Jharoka

It was 26 January 2023 at 17:25 that I unknowingly took the baton from my Mother in the seemingly endless relay race of life.

I’ve heard people say and have read that with the passage of time, the intensity of grief reduces as one adapts with the loss. I humbly disagree. So far, it seems to ebb and flow with no rhythm and generally seems much more profound now than in the initial days.

In spite of performing her final rites and burying her with my own hands, I am still unable to process what has happened. At times, I feel this is all just a terrible dream and I will awaken and everything will be back to normal again. This is no dream. This is a new reality.

As the hours, days, weeks, and now two years have passed, I am paralyzed by grief at the most random times with no alarm to sound that a grief tsunami is about to swallow me up. I profoundly grieve my loss. I grieve that connection, that protection, that unconditional love, that wisdom, that advice, that laughter, that voice, that smell, that touch, that warmth, that energy. I miss my Mom. Jaime Anderson put it beautifully “grief is just love with no place to go.”

In deep, reflective moments I realize that this is chronological ascension of each group of elders. Just as my parents were the elders that shielded their flock from the world, their purpose was deemed completed by the Almighty and now the baton is passed to the next level to step up. Each person’s designated time to step up differs as the Almighty is the All-Knowing and best of planners.

How will I take the legacy of my parents and elders forward as the temporary holder of the baton?

I try to be very mindful of this in all I say and do now. I am the keeper of so much – every story, every lesson, every tradition which I will strive to keep alive so that the beauty of their souls continue on.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am unable to visit my Mom’s grave today and touch the ground where I left her. This connection gives me a minuscule amount of comfort. So, as I sit afar, I remember her, I pray for her, I celebrate the gift of her life, thank the Almighty for making her my mother and pray that we are reunited in the hereafter.

If you have made it to this post / page, I would be most appreciative if you could say a prayer or recite Al-Fatiha for my beloved mother. Thank you.