Once again, the Gregorian calendar sets us on the path of a new year every January. A time that brings a renewed strength, resolve and excitement of possibilities that may lie ahead for many, but for the past two years, January brings a dread and sinking of my soul over and again. This January was compounded by the first anniversary of the unexpected passing of my mother’s dear, sweet “Baby” sister last January. The calendar shows that three years have elapsed since my mother’s passing, but I’m truly not sure what that means anymore. Time has become so distorted and non-linear.
As I continue to grieve (seemingly stuck in the depression stage), I sometimes get impatient with myself as other adults who have lost mothers and fathers seem to be in a better place than I – so what’s wrong with me?! I’m in my mid-50s with adult children, why is my grief still so overwhelming? I still feel like the small child that needs my mother.
Every single day I miss my mother more and more. The memories of her consume my mind all the more and I am overcome by stronger emotions and loss more frequently. I ache to sit with her, lay my head in her lap, talk with her, listen to her and apologize to her. Kaash [if only]!!!
If you have made it to this post / page, I would be most appreciative if you could say a prayer or recite Fatiha for my beloved mother. Thank you.
Jharoka 
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