Jharoka

Pre-dawn and dusk are the most peaceful times of the day. In one of the episodes of Yaqeen Institute’s Angels in Your Presence series (https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ02IYL5pmhF2LFN-3QxnuregEv1oKPIc), Dr. Omar Sulieman speaks so beautifully about how angels change shifts at these two times of day. There is special level of peace and serenity envisaging angels all around.

Pre-dawn was my Mom’s favorite time of day for as far back as I can remember. She would say that she could feel angels around and loved the silence and the tranquility of the early morning.

Like clockwork, she would awake by an internal alarm at 3am (regardless of when she went to sleep), quietly get out of bed, do her ablution, offer her Tahajjud prayers (non-mandatory night prayer offered in the last third of the night) and then sit read Qur’an and/or do dhikr (read prayers glorifying God) on her tasbeeh (prayer beads) until the pre-dawn prayer, Fajr. She would then offer her Fajr prayer and sit and read more Qur’an.

During my visit in June 2022, I took special notice of her routine day after day as I would sleep with her during my visit. Her devotion to the Almighty was personal, silent and private – just like her. A little while after Ishraaq (daybreak), she would lay down, keeping her tasbeeh in hand and recite prayers until she would fall into a peaceful and deep sleep for a couple of hours. It was poetic harmony.

Flashback: It must have been around 1999 … I asked my Mom to sit and watch “City of Angels” (1998) starring Nicolas Cage and Meg Ryan with me. I had seen it several times before but thought she would enjoy it because of the the scene in the movie of angels congregating at dawn on the beach and how beautifully it was captured. *Spoiler alert* in case you haven’t seen the movie and want to, Nicolas Cage plays an angel who falls in love with a woman, played by Meg Ryan and decides to fall from his angelic state to become a human to be with her. As I write this now, I realize just how absurd this sounds. In my defense I was in my late 20s and a romantic! I digress. She humored me and watched the film, well most of it. At the point that his character fell to become a human, she got up and said she couldn’t watch any more as the movie was ridiculous! Why would an angel want to be a human?! It blew her mind and thought it was foolish story.

Four weeks today, we laid Ammi to rest and like clockwork since then my eyes open at 3am. Irony or masterful planning of the Divine? On most days when I’m not completely over-stricken by grief, I get up, do my ablution and offer my Tahajjud prayer, read Qur’an, do dhikr, offer Fajr prayer, read Qur’an and then start my day. Ammi, the pre-dawn hours are glorious and so peaceful. I feel the presence of the angels you would speak of. It’s magical and indescribable. I hope you are amongst the angels and that the warmth, peace and beauty I experience in the silence of the mornings is your presence. Words fall short to describe how much I miss you. I pray from my core that your soul is basking in a realm that has beauty and peace beyond anything conceivable by the human mind and that you are surrounded by your parents, your daughter, your siblings and all those you loved, loved you and are amongst those with whom the Almighty is most pleased. Ameen. Love you, Ammi jaan.

If you have made it to this post / page, I would be most appreciative if you could say a prayer for my beloved mother. Thank you.