loss
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Meethas (Sweetness)
My mother had a unique meethi awaaz (sweet voice). It goes beyond the sound itself as it was a blend of her ever-smiling face, gentle tone, soft-spokenness, sincerity, politeness, loving personality and manner of speaking, regardless of the circumstance. In South Asian cultures, having a meethi awaaz is considered a high virtue and sign of Continue reading
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A Conversation Across Worlds: Surah Al-Fatiha
They say time heals, but three years in, I’ve realized it just teaches you how to breathe around the wound. By slowing down my recitation of Surah Al-Fatiha, I’m finding a way to bridge the gap between my world and hers, one verse at a time. Continue reading
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The Etymology of Love — Ammi
There are words we speak with our throats and there are words we speak with our souls. Losing my mother is a heartbreak that has changed the very syntax of my life. In the silence she left behind, I have found myself reflecting not just on who she was, but today, on the names I Continue reading
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3 years x ♾️
Once again, the Gregorian calendar sets us on the path of a new year every January. A time that brings a renewed strength, resolve and excitement of possibilities that may lie ahead for many, but for the past two years, January brings a dread and sinking of my soul over and again. This January was Continue reading
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Hands
As I often do, I scroll for hours looking at pictures of my mother in my camera roll. I don’t know if it makes me miss her more or if it provides solace but I suspect it’s a bit of both. In honing in on her hands, each and every line is etched with a Continue reading
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The passing of the baton
It was 26 January 2023 at 17:25 that I unknowingly took the baton from my Mother in the seemingly endless relay race of life. I’ve heard people say and have read that with the passage of time, the intensity of grief reduces as one adapts with the loss. I humbly disagree. So far, it seems Continue reading
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Two years
In loss, it can feel like the clock has either stopped entirely or is rushing forward without consent. It can seem both a relentless force and an abstract concept, slipping away as emotions slow everything else to a standstill. Grief has a way of bending perception, making a single moment feel endless and yet barely Continue reading
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Connection to the Earth
Disclaimer: This post was drafted long ago and not published. After Eid, God deemed it to be the right time for me to visit my Mom, Dad and sister. It seemed like an eternity had passed since laying my mother to rest. Living far away from your loved ones is difficult when they are alive Continue reading
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Competitive grief
Ever since the passing of my sister in December of 2018, I didn’t know grief like I do today. And after the passing of my father and mother, each loss has brought about it’s own uniqueness with compounding impact. I have suffered loss of an only grandparent (Nani), of extended family, friends and seen friends Continue reading
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A trifecta: my Mom’s 82nd Earthly Birthday, the Summer solstice, and the longest day of the year – incoherent ramblings of my state of mind
Before the month of June started, I’ve had a horrible pit in my stomach that has been aching with the thought of my Mom’s birthday (June 21st) – her first birthday after her passing. Similar to years past, I had this strong desire to be with her on her birthday. This time in a very Continue reading
About Me
I’m an ordinary but deeply spiritual person. I try to be devoted to the many roles in life I have been blessed with. I love my tight circle of family and friends, laughing, traveling, photography, technology, pomegranates and cats.
Jharoka 